Problems...

I really dont know wads happening to me... i feel... very... guilty for myself... very frustrated...
very... dunno wads da feel... it feels like da whole world is upside down for me... everything doesnt suit me... everything goes against me... problems problems problems...

in school... always see my classmates studying.. all getting a book on their hand during free time.. but they are nuts.... dey play like monkeys... can shout n LOL so happily... yet dey can study..
y me... a person who sits alone... who thinks tat he wanna study... WANTS to study... yet he cant do it.... wads happening to him... where are my study brain cells... are they gone.. vapourized...
my studying habit... in PMR... wadever exams... i always study last min... yet i still can achieve normal results... around an above average marks.. but now.. its SPM... is it easy or hard... i dont know... but my school results are deteriorating my confidence on myself... im telling myself to study study study... no last mins... yet... i cant.... wad am i..... a destined failure??

now in da house... lectures lectures lectures... mum dad, mum dad... everyday... every hour...
anytime... dey see me not with a book... lecture is haunting me... ''u arh... think ur very smart arh?? SPM liao still no need study?? still can play da comp?? waste so much time driving u to tt, paying ur fees... yet wad have u produced??? all C and D's in ur exam?? u better go out work lar... See ur school result know ur SPM will be like tat adi... see ur bros all also A1's.... now only left u...'' tats wad dey said... everyday... everytime im a free boy... i hear those... haiz... so wad i feel... da most useless person in tis family.. a parasite.. who always waste money... always being thought as a son who wastes family money... but da truth is... im already a below average spender... almost... da lowest spender... i nvr buy stuffs for myself... always go for da cheap stuffs... im always da guy who doesnt eat when going out with frenz... a drink or a toast already a heart break for me... always go out with guys who spend like millionaires kinda make me feel tat i shudnt belong to tis group.. i shud belong to those nerdy... who goes to library everyday... or a freak.. who goes online everyday, every hour...

all tis... are like a tumble for me... let sum force.. trying to push me down da pit hole... wanting to end everything jus like tat.... how am i gonna go thru tis.... SPM... jus around da corner... very stressful... i need some help... some counsel... someday... maybe.. when i cant tahan... im going to da counselor... hope it does help...

god.. bless me.....

yippie signing off....