A me in current self

JPA interview is i tis coming friday.. 3rd of April.. an important day ba..

myself.. i've not been with myself.. thoughts are much more surronding me.. im with my inner self i guess... loneliness i would say.. im not sure wad reason is tat.. i jus felt to be lonely.. alone.. i cant tell u guys da reasons.. well... i guess.. its jus me.. i'd chose not to share to anybody but to myself.. i guess its better to be with myself ba.. none involved.. might be a good thing.. n im hoping no more outings for tis week.. i'd like to be with myself..

guess its God who wants me to get myself prepared for da interview.. he doesnt want any further distractions for me.. lol.. tats one outcome tat i made much to my loneliness.. lol... hehe hope it helps..

its jus a moody post well.. im not sure when i'll recover from tis.. haha..

My decisions.. hope its not gonna chg...

so my previous posts.. said tat da deadline of da singapore thing is till friday.. but.. a letter came.. till 30th.. so i still have time to think about it.. haha.. they are like so desperate to get me in eh..

but.. wad i found out.. they jus wan students into tat programme i guess.. because i got to know they go to yuk choy.. n other schools.. 5A's students they accept.. tats wad i heard from my fren.. but otherwise from tat sg guy.. he said they only go to sam tet n chung ling school.. which makes da scholarship so precious.. so.. whos right or whos wrong.. i chose to believe my fren..

well.. guess u all shud know my decision already.. SG is OUT... hahaa.. hope it wont come back lar.. aih...

so lucky me i got JPA interview.. my interview session is on da 3rd of April.. well.. its seriously i great chance.. n i friggin hope i get it.. den all worries will be GONEEE.. haha... but there still alot of scholarships out there i applied with no replies yet.. jus hope i get any of it.. den i wont have to worry at all..

for now.. im kinda heartbroken to think of any studies.. im soo tired... i dont wanna think anymore.. jus hope i get any offers.. i wan them.. i need them..

Arrrghhhh...

gahhhhhhhhh........ im soo.. wanna die....

i cant decide where to go.. especially to go to singapore anot..

dad strongly oppose me in going..

mum strong encourages...

i had a discussion with my tt teacher... n she opposes.. when i told mum bout it.. she was sooooo furious.. i got scolded... haiz..

damn.. im so torn in between.. i wanna die man.. i cant stand all these... sumbody guide me pls.. show me where shud i go... i need help...

HELPPPP!!

things jus dont get easy on ya rite??

da previous post tells u tat im happy n glad huh...

n guess wad.. on da same day.. tis post tells me tat im unhappy at all..

its about my further studies.. singapore.. Nanyang polytechnic.. diploma..

damn.. i've almost made up my mind tat im freaking sure im accepting da offer..
but.. my dad... strongly discourages me..

my parents quarrel non stop while i was watching lost and prison break.. i seriously cant hear wads da tele talking.. i can only read da subtitles.. they were beside me n i was in da middle..

my dad even expressed vulgar to scold my mum.. damn.. y da hell they have to quarrel till like tat..

i friggin dont like tat...

i guess its my mistake.. for not being able to make up my mind.. im easily convinced.. n discouraged as well.. so now.. im still torn in between..

wtf shud i do.. wtf... shud i go or shud i not... damn...

another chance

a short update..

as u all know i have kinda rejected da singapore poly offer of da scholarship by not replying before da due date..

da poly guy called n kinda counselled me.. lol.. he said i would be able to continue to degree in NTU after da diploma studies while working.. but da class would be a night class.. tats a good news but tat would mean i have to suffer and work harder.. lol.. so he has given me a chance till tis friday to reply.. and da deed signing will be on 16th of april..

so am i going?? its 70% right now.. i'll accept tat offer!!

keep yourself update.. if i update myself first.. hahahaa

im loving canons loll

wads da next step??

been quite sometime since i've updated eh.. been busying with all da further studies.. n getting headache n frustration over decisions..

so SPM is over.. my high school life.. is over.. a stage of life is over.. n another is coming.. n im in between of the stages... n hell it aint easy going thru tis phase.. decisions..

if u guys know.. i've gotten a scholarship offer from a singapore polytechnic.. a diploma in digital n precision engineering.. it quite a fresh course.. so da scholarship offer.. a 3 yrs full diploma programme.. n 5 yrs of bond with singapore govenrment.. a total of 8 yrs.. i'll be jus a diploma holder.. whereas.. ppl shud be holding a degree cert looking for jobs adi.. i have a family.. in my house.. discussing tis.. encouraging.. n discouraging.. for me.. i have no idea.. i cant decide.. i dont really have a focus on wad i want.. for me.. im jus going into anything im getting offered.. like tis.. i've already set my mind in going into it.. dad is opposing.. while mum is encouraging..

dad's say: its jus a diploma qualification.. 5 yrs of work.. waste time.. no degree.. ur always lower qualification den others.. u have a good result.. y waste urself jus into diploma.. salary wont be any good..

mum's say: u have a secured job.. singapore pay shudnt be bad.. 2.5 times rate of malaysia.. u can be PR.. save around rm200k.. ( her calculation).. singapore better development..

my say: I JUS WAN A SCHOLARSHIP N DON WANNA WASTE A SINGLE CENT ON ME LIKE MY BROS..

everybody discussed.. discussed n discussed.. n in da end.. they all turn to me.. ''wad do u wan.. wad do u think.. think yourself''.. its $#$&%*(%$ how i wished there was somebody who can really convince me... wad shud i do.. im on my own.. it aint easy.. huh... i need some mind clearance..

today is da 18th.. under dad's influence.. i halted da scholarship.. today is da deadline to reply.. i didnt reply.. which shud mean im not going over to singapore.. im still doubting if i made da right choice.. my dad told me thru da phone.. to look for UNI.. get a degree.. MASTERS.. in engineering.. n i was WOOTT.. imagine da $$$ all thsoe private uni.. n da UNI hes asking.. Monash.. Curtin.. bla bla.. all prestigious uni.. n overseas.. tats gonna cost a whole lot of $$$.. he even told my mum tat local UNI aint good enuf.. da way he says.. is making me even guilty.. to spend so much $$$ while both my bros spend almost NTG.. its basically 3 brother's education expenditure is going into me.. i dont wanna be a ''bai gah zhai''... da one who spends all da money.. i wanna be da one who help in saving.. but ppl keep telling.. dont worry bout money.. most important if wad u like.. but i really have no idea.. my mindset is already onto $$$.. a scholarship will be good for me..

Currently listening to mariah carey & whitney houston's ''when you believe''
"There can be miracle WHEN YOU BELIEVE.."

hope there would be a miracle tat i get any local scholarship offers.. its a great song at tis moment.. seriously giving me hope..

till next time buddies.. i'll keep updating if i can..

SPM results day..

its been a long waited day for 400000 plus ppl in malaysia.. 12th march.. came at last.. announcement of SPM results..

so i woke up around 9.. sms replied ppl's sms.. all bidding good luck to me.. haha.. den i called wilson to ask for a trip to school... arrived around 10.20am.. been waiting for like 1 hour and 45 mins.. n results are finally out.. wads my feel.. i really dont know.. da senior assistant is announcing da names of those who scored n did well.. names were from 1st n 2nd classes only.. how i wished my name was announced.. den our teachers came.. lined up.. awaiting my turn.. da senior assistant kept on announcing.. some 4th class ppl's name started to appear but not 3rd class.. which im in.. den da one guy from my class.. which we all knew he would score.. got his name announced.. by tat time.. he havent got his results yet.. n he was so shocked.. haha.. classmates were congratulating them.. but im still listening to da announcement of names.. at last.. i heard tat.. KAN WYE YIP.. shit yeah.. deep in my heart.. 10A.. or 9A.. damn.. i dont know how to describe tat feeling..

da senior assistant ordered thsoe names announced to go in front to take a group pic.. but i still havent got my results slip.. i din go for tat.. haha.. i went infront.. cutting da queue.. to my form teacher.. mr. bala.. n asked for my results.. n whoa.. 10As... 10.. my aim.. yeshhhh tats wad i wanted.. i was really speechless.. trying to control my excitment n joy.. but actually.. i didnt feel much.. cos wads important isnt in da results.. if my further studies.. tats wad i worry most..

so i got my results slip... msged few ppl.. got msg from ppl too.. haha.. well done to my tou dai.. scored straight A1's... damn envy.. haha.. walking around.. meeting ppl.. asking for their results.. lol.. i dont know how to hide.. but im scared ppl say tat im lc.. some ppl i jus bluffed to them bout my results.. haha..

my slip... T.T

malay and chemi got A2.. quite unexpected.. especailly for malay.. den 5C for chinese.. it expected already... haha.. but a C jus doesnt look good... lol.. am i satisfied.. yeah.. i more worried of my further studies.. having headaches..

had i pizza feast in malay teachers house.. not feel good getting A2 for malay.. haiz.. n im having an allergy on my left hand.. its gross.. blisters n rashes.. its worst den chicken pox i think.. but its jus some small parts.. gross enuf.. haiz..

Regrets..

haiz.. spm results are jus 3 days away..

n 3 days later.. i'll have lots of work n worries.. where am i going next.. will i be accepted.. duh.. everything to think about... scholarships.. studies.. colleges.. courses..

n damn.. i've check thru some scholarships.. some of them are already closed.. duh.. how i wished i'd checked earlier.. n some of them require forecast results.. which we have to obtain it by ourselves.. n well i didnt obtain it.. cos i thought i wont be applying for any january intakes.. n duh.. some colleges wants to see tat too.. damn it..

spm trial 2008... seriously y da heck i didnt do well.. y da hell im so dumb n not studying tat time.. if i were to have good results.. i might have landed in UTP.. or so... n i dont have to worry at all.. arggh.. come to think about it.. i've missed out so many things..

God bless ME.... 12th march 2009

Random..

haha.. i really dont know wad to blog.. but i jus felt like blogging.. lol..

i was scolded noob in dota game jus now.. n well we won.. i cant say tat guy is wrong or right.. i died quite some time.. but i pushed alot.. maybe its jus our own style of playing.. n our style doesnt correspond to each other.. so he started all da flames.. haha.. i wasnt really flamed up.. im jus keeping cool.. playing towards victory.. sometimes its jus soo annoying meeting these kind of ppl who dont appreciate wad u have done n see da negative in u.. haiz.. all kinds of ppl in da world.. my bunch of gaming buddies.. im supposed they are in da Cyber Cafe enjoying themselves rite now.. or else i shud be playing with them on da net.. i didnt wanna join cos $$ wasnt on my side.. haha..

currently listening to Lenka.. nice music.. haha.. its jus soothing when ur trashed.. lol..

an ad pop up from my downloader.. slumdog millionaire.. haha.. i've watched it.. great movie indeed.. everybody is giving thumbs up.. thumbs up everywhere.. haha.. for me.. its jus one of those movies which leave something in me.. not sumthing tat i would watch over n over again.. haha.. but indeed. its a great movie.. i even had da original soundtrack huh..

countdown to results day.. 3 and a half days i guess.. lol... STPM is 1 and a half day.. goood luck to my buddies..

i've watched love matters with tuition gang.. singaporean movie but set in malaysia.. haha.. i didnt know da fat guy was da DJ Lam Tuck Weng.. until ppl start talking his name.. nvr thought hes tat fat.. haha.. humour.. ntg can really give me a big laugh.. a great joke.. sometimes i'd jus smile n pretend tat i laugh.. haha.. im jus like.. cold blooded huh.. haha.. but sometimes.. little things.. really can give me a big laugh.. very mere stuff.. im soo special yea.. haha.. n Jeremy and Pussycat is loitering in msn already.. haha.. frenz were using da names from da movie.. like those jeremy n pussycat meets in msn.. lol..

Watchmen.. i watched it yesterday sat night with taekwondo gang.. in conjunction of celebrating hellen's birthday.. a movie.. haha.. rm10 gone... my pocket is burned up for sure.. haha.. been spending even thought im trying to save as much as i could.. n i owe ppl money.. lol.. so back to watchmen.. story about a few heroes.. da trailer looks as if they team up to fight da bad guys but da story wasnt any near it.. haha.. it starts with one of da hero's journal.. so da movie tells da history of da heroes.. how they fought at their era.. n now they all retired.. well now America and Russian are at war.. Nuclear war.. n america needs da Blue guy hero to end da war.. so.. da story goes.. da smartest guy among da hero planned on his own.. n he pretended to be da bad guy so da other heroes turn against him.. n well made da Blue guy.. wipe off new york city.. da world was stunned.. n at last they united n team up to hunt down da blue guy.. n TATS how they save da world.. making da world to turn against them.. lol.. so da story ends.. it was a 2 hour 30 mins movie.. darnn long man.. nvr thought of it.. so i endedup going home at 3am in da morning.. n da next day got blasted by my mum..

ah ya.. badminton all england.. lee chong wei lost.. haha.. world number 1 huh.. its jus a name.. so where is da problem.. malaysian system if u ask me.. malaysia jus wont be any better.. boasting is da best.. n da politics.. with da economy.. gratz man.. malaysia is doommed.. haha.. hope da police wont find tis..

hehe.. guess im outta topics.. n an msn chat mate could go online due to modem failure.. haha.. too badd.... days are getting boring.. n tense.. SPM result!! how will it turn out!!

Whoaaa...

"KUALA LUMPUR: The results for last year's Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) and Sijil Tinggi Agama Malaysia (STAM) examinations will be released on March 12.

Education director-general Datuk Alimuddin Mohd Dom said the analysis of the results would also be announced on the same day at 9am in Putrajaya.

Independent candidates will receive their result slips via post, he said in a statement yesterday.

A total of 442,936 candidates sat for the SPM examination from Nov 11 to Dec 5 last year while 6,240 candidates took the STAM examination from Oct 20 to Oct 29 last year."

NST online
www.nst.com.my

can u believe tat?? its 6 more days.. not even a week... da day.. is da same as waiyin's birthday.. lol.. such a perfect gift for him.. haha.. so how am i.. worried.. yeah.. excited.. yeah.. scared.. yeah.. all da feelings.. running in me.. at da same time.. wads gonna happen on tat day.. when i get my results slip.. huh... where am i going to be off.. singapore.. or local.. or form 6.. which i dont want at all.. judging myself.. i'll end up in form 6.. zzz.. i dont hope so... huh...

so in da mean time.. i have been outing with frenz.. quite often.. basketballs... late night yum cha.. climbing moutain.. etc.. wonder will tis all end after da next 6 days.. some would have gone to NS already.. i.. if lucky.. i might be in singapore already.. which i really hope i'll be there right now..

taekwondo.. 2nd DAN grading is on da 15th.. jus 1 week ahead.. but i still have not convinced my parents to let me take it.. its RM 350.. i know its really burdening as well.. its expensive.. jus for a cert in korean words.. n some chops.. haiz.. i really dont know how.. i've already got da form.. wad can i do now... haiz..

i missed out basketball today.. sorry for letting aeroplane.. i was really tired after da night outing few days back.. im having some sort of problem with my left arm.. it feels like im having rheumatism.. ''Regional pain syndrome" or "soft tissue rheumatism" causing significant discomfort and difficulty.. im feeling pain from da inside.. its not a good feeling.. pain strikes occasionally.. huh.. wad shud i do..

arggh... problems n frust coming back again.. come n go... huh...

Hope, dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption
winding in winding out
the shine of which has caught my eye

birthday buddies

hope tis wont be any long post...

birthday.. parties.. gifts.. presents.. food.. cakes.. all end up with FRENZ

so 27th of feb, i went to chan pooi mun's house.. to celebrate her birthday.. hmm.. wad can i say about.. ntg much.. we have steamboat.. n bbq which we didnt use.. lol.. kinda like a waste thinking back.. so we played water.. flour.. den ''dare or not dare''.. den it was washing up session, den makan after midnight, and movie den sleeping at 5am.. ended up waking up at 28th feb which i dont know wad time it was.. breakfast with them.. n back home to get my rest..

ah evening was stadium training.. had quite some fun.. i wasnt worn out at all.. effects of training?? lol

so da birthday party.. im ashamed i didnt produce any presents.. which i normally wouldnt give presents.. except for.. 1 person which i personally gave.. n i dont think tat person would read tis.. well.. those of u out there.. u guys will have ur chance.. haha.. a present from me is rare.... hehe.. but seriously.. i feel uneasy when ppl give something to me but i give ntg in return.. so am i really a good buddy?

pics of my previous birthdays.. celebrated with tis bunch or choir buddies.. choir.. a place where i get my gang of buddies.. but now.. its getting apart.. all da msg from them.. frens 4ever.. love ya.. forever frenz.. haha.. are those gonna be true of wad.. haha.. i really dont know.. i jus thought of it when seeing tis birthday card given to me.. with all da sweet messages.. am i gonna receive anything like tis in da future? n will it be from da same ppl too??

da cover.. wad a nice card..

da messages..

haha.. jus feeling have a frenship-related-mood-y-ness.. lol..