oh ya forgot tis..

ULCERS IN MY MOUTH!!! 3 of them.. 1 big one... 2 small ones.. DAMN PAINNNNN arrgghhhh...

hm.. incoming activities?

hmm.. long break.. really a long break.. well.. its 5 month holidays at least for me.. a guy whos jus finished his spm.. which he thinks he did well.. but is da result really tat he hoped for.. he does not know.. it would be revealed in da next 6 months after his long break..

ah well.. wad hes gonna do for da break... first things first.. get a liciense first.. haha.. but still dunno when would he be getting.. lol..
well before spm ended.. i was actually asked.. by my mum to help out at my dad's office... but i didnt wan.. cos its almost da worst job in da world.. no pay.. no entertainment.. everyday on da comp.. typing.. tats all.. tats wad my dad did to his 2nd son.. which is my bro.. which caused him to be rebellious.. n so.. last holidays da hse broke into a cold war.. hooo...

well tis year.. i dont know.. i really don hope tat.. i wished i could do some other simply jobs.. where i could meet more ppl... learn something.. hmm.. ive been thinking of getting a job in da bakery.. i wanna learn how to bake bread.. i love bread... hahaha. i was inspired by a blog which da blogger makes cupcakes.. they are so tantalizing.. kinda made me feel like making them.. for wad purpose?? lol.. learn sumthing tat no boys would learn.. haha tats partially an idea which ran thru my mind.. but still da love of learning some skills still takes up most of my choice.. haha wonder if theres any shop who would hire a guy who wants to learn how to bake n he does not have ANY experience at all.. lol.. wonders.. i hope got lol.. if anybody knows.. inform me.. haha...

well now.. talk bout my upcoming stuffs.. well.. pangkor would be my first activity of da holidays.. lol.. kinda looking forward to it n not looking forward to it at da same time.. activites pull me in but with my non-sociable skills.. i might be bored to death.. n also my parents.. which complains alot.. well.. activites there.. repelling? dunno if its spelled right, snorkelling.. ive done before.. kayaking!! one of da most anticipated.. hope i enjoy my time there.. lol.. well.. hope it would turn out to be a good trip.. good experience i guess.. n maybe get myself to be mroe sociable.. proactive like somebody says?? lol.. wil be be leveled up after da trip? hahah

hmm i think im outta ideas adi eh.. lol till next time lar.. readers.. see ya.. im damn bored...

exam is over.... things i realised..

tanggal 27th november 2008.. SPM 2008 is over.. me.. a candidate for SPM.. if free of Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia.. but still havent get da result lar.. lol..

well... i actually.. cant believe.. its over.. really unbelievable tat im not gonna see my frenz liao.. last day of school... whoa.. will i ever step into da school anymore.. well i hope not..
ahh. today last paper.. n was a unhappy paper as well.. everyone shud be delighted.. but nobody is as excited as wad we have always wanted to be after da exams.. wonder y... nobody shouts.. no screams.. ntg.. everyone jus walked out da exam hall as if ntg happened.. its over man!! over adi!! but nothing reallly happened.. lol.. wad happened ehh...

talk about todays paper ba... est.. damn.. i couldnt finish da essay.. my time management wasnt good... i guess lack or practice is da prob... 45min for a 4 paged long essay is certainly not enuf... maybe i din time myself well.. n so i missed out da conclusion... i was really really not in mood when da exam was over.. ppl were smiling.. having a ''phew''.. be me.. frustrated.. worried look.. haiz.. i wanted A for tis.. A A A A A A A A A A .... i wan AAAAA for est... arhhh.... god.. help me.. i wan A.....................

haiz.. wad i aimed for spm.. 10A's.. my phone stated.. A's... but now.. i think it would most probably be 9 only... i hope wad i hoped for will be granted.. but still most importantly.. i don wanna get into form 6.. i wan scholarships.. i don wan my parents to spend money on me anymore.. like my 2 bros.. they did not burden my parents.. n i cant be da one who burdens my parents... arrggh... i don wan.... if i have no choice.. form 6 is gonna greet me...

so wad i realised thruout tis stage? spm? 11 yrs of education? hmm..
well one thing i relised tis morning.. da school textbooks are very interesting to read. LOLZ!
da pics, da words, everyhting is in an interesting way. unlike reference books.. they are all cramped up.. numbers in sequence.. n all are da syllabus.. well da textbooks have like various corners tat give various info lol.. haha kinda regretted not utilising all those books..lol

n da 2nd thing.. i realised tat i have been under malaysian education for da past 11yrs.. whoa.. cant imagine tat it ended now.. well.. wad to say bout it.. malaysian education.. to me... ''shucks''? think so.. da system.. everything.. is like against ppl who arent bookworms.. n they only cater bookworms which feast on books only.. haha.. if ur a book worm.. u can swallow da whole book.. distinction is urs adi.. tats wad i think.. haha.. don fire me.. n hope da government doesnt see tis.. if not i'll be in ISA.. under akta keselamatan dalam negara.. whoa.. im really a MORAL SIFU eh.. hahaha.. to: anak murid, rmb ISA is tat akta lol..

hmm.. wad to say ler.. well.. i get it into another post.. diff title

well well..

well.. 2.15A.M in da morning... some lizard jus pass 45cm infront of me.. near da window... i hope i could be like it.. loiter in da night.. no worries.. jus run around.. look for food.. no studies.. no spm for him.. so syok.. wonder how it feels to be a lizard... lol.. sticking up to walls especially.. haha..

well well.. lets see.. my parent are asleep.. i tried to study.. i studied.. well finish chapter 8 of form 4 bio.. dynamic ecosystem.. wonder if it went to my brain.. i was damn tired.. but i kept on reading.. studying.. revising.. wad so ever.. 27th of NOV. 5 days away.. tats gonna be da end..da end.. but in thsoe 5 days.. disaster i guess.. i hope not.. hope its not a disaster for me... bio, phy, chinese, est.. my priority subject.. bio n physics.. well 4 of these subjects are at da bottom list of da SPM slip.. tats y they are da last ones in da exam..

so... wad have i done so far.. in 3 days of.. rest? nope.. play? nope.. study? not really.. wasting time?
think so.. probably.. aiseh.. friday, sat n sunday.. free day before da 4 paper look at my face.. wad have i done so far. i dont know.. friday ended well.. now its sat.. 0222 hours of sat rite now.. im on da friggin computer... actually.. i was thinking.. is it necessary to write my blog... y da heck im updating it during da exam period.. i shud be sleeping.. resting.. or maybe with my books!! wondering.. how come i made a blog.. how come i would stay awake jus to update tis thing.. haiz.. really dont know.. influenced by teenagers of 21st century.. yeah i think so.. arhh.. crapss...

actually serisouly.. i dont know wad am i doing rite now.. i really have no idea y im updating tis.. n i have no idea wad to write. so u guys jus read some craps bah...
talk aobut yesterday.. friday.. one whole day.. u know wad.. i only finished 2 chapters of da bio syllabus.. wow shit.. freaking slow man.. i wasted one whole day.. lemme think wad i done.. i woke up at 9... laze around till 10.. got up.. rdy for da day.. breakfast.. hmm.. den paper.. den i went up my room.. study.. as always.. i get sleepy during da morning.. wtheck is wrong with me lar... haiz.. sit down.. open book read.. sleepy.. shit... hands get itchy.. play some games.. yeah i won da stupid tournament in da tennis game.. yeah im ranking no.1... wad da hell.. y da game nvr ends.. im ranking no. 1 adi.. addicted to it... really wanna f*** myself for getting into it.. ah wadever.. den i forgot wad happend till afternoon

well.. lunch time.. makan... den went up.. sit down.. cant focus again!!.. den my parents went out... wow.. went down.. took a dvd.. xXx.. not porn.. triple X... movie.. watched on da friggin computer.. wasted 1 hour plus i guess.. althou its express movie im doing.. well den.. i off comp.. it was about 5 i think... as u know.. getting on da comp gets u tired.. when im tired. cant study adi.. den i lay on da bed.. tryign to sleep.. but cant sleep.. damn... listen to music.. play phone AGAIN!! arrggghhh.. when will i be able to control myself..

dinner.. after dinner. went up.. tried to study again.. did some.. but still feeling tired.. wanted to get online.. n at last.. had da chance.. 10 sumthing.. online.. till 12.30 i guess?? chatted.. hmm.. at least somebody to borak with...
kinda need ppl to chat with these few days.. my sms mate is outstation... really miss my mate.. wanna msg... but dunno find who.. dont have a msg mate like one im having but unavailable atm... haiz...

n well so.. i ended up here.. i guess it enuf.. too long for me i think.. n maybe its stupid.. haha.. wadever.. jus write wad i wan.. n nvr think of it..

NO idea...

haiz... exam gone by for 3 days.. 4 subjects are down.. 7 yet to come.. tough ones i guess.. science.. add math.. chinese.. est... those which i dont normall score in my school exams.. but ppl said getting an A is very easy... wonder if its true.. but still i do to my very best n make sure i know everything.. but i cant seem to tackle everything.. except for mathematics.. da paper is over n im damn sure its gonna be an A1..

well... its a short break for us... till next tues.. well not really a break i guess.. certainly not for me.. i have yet to touch those incoming subjects.. which is gonna be so scary.. in such a short time.. i gonna have to study everything... will i be able to do it.. haiz.. nobody knows.. perhaps god knows n HE decides.. i seriously hope he decides tat im gonna get 10A's for me.. really hope.. pray... arggh...

these few days of break havent been good to me.. my mum give me lectures.. she sees me laying on da bed or with my phone most of da time.. she said i aint studying at all.. HELL NO!.. ive been struggling.. but i cant keep on going... so i gave myself a break.. n most of da time.. she sees me with my break time.. tats da cause.. well today i got a rough seriously rough lecture form her... from da morning... n den dinner time.. double blow for dinner time.. dad added some lines of his again.. rough ones again... haiz... i certainly hope tis is gonna be over.. 2 weeks... i'll have to endure...

for now.. ive been on chemistry which will be on da next thurs.. chemistry is my worst subject of all.. not counting in chinese... i seriously dont und those stuffs... its like too complicated to me.. im like thinking too much too far.. ppl say its jus very easy.. da basics of chemistry.. for me.. i keep thinking.. for tis chapter i learn tat tis is how it works.. but in other chapters... i cant seem to apply wad i learnt in da previous chapters.. i wonder wads wrong.. am i really tat weak to und them... or its jus every chapter doesnt have relation.. for for those formula.. blah blah blah.. damn i hate to see those equations.. da equation is da root of all answers.. tak tau equation.. BYE to u... n now ive been having difficulties studying it.. i cant jus study n read.. i wanna und.. apply to everything.. but i cant seem to do it.. tat kinda lags my time.. keep thinking of it.. haiz... y da hell im like tat.. pls.. help me..

n one more thing.. my freaking phone is giving me all da prob... i dont know y i kept playing da games when studying... its like 10 mins relaxation.. but sometiems its gone to 1 hour!! damn.. wad can i do.. i dont wanna delete them... n i dont wanna play them... anyone can help me in tis... keep my eye still on da books.. da notes.. n not da freaking phone.. arrgghhh...

i wan my mind to be cleared!! cleared!! no mind no mind.. i dont wan my mind to conquer me.. i wan myself to conquer me.. i wanna overcome myself.. 10A's!!!!!!

SPM fever..

In jus 1 more day.. 1 day.. 24 hours... 1440minutes.. 86400 seconds.. my life.. 1st stage.. 11 years of studies.. everything will end.. in jus 24 hours.. ENDDDD.. another stage is awaiting me... another level of life.. which i think i could handle... but am i really capable of handling it... im having tat mixed feelings rite now.. my frenz... we are going to split.. in fact.. i dont really have much frenz.. close ones i guess.. are we gonna be strangers in da future?? im not sure... haiz...

back to my original topic i guess.. like i said in 1 more day... im gonna go for a battle i prepared for years.. years of preparation is gonna end in tis 9 days... fuhhh... cant imagine.. im 17 adi.. wow.. wad have i done in my entire life..
ahhh.. gone out of da topic again...

SPM.. im not sure if im really prepared for it.. i've been studying hard for these few days.. only on subjects i didnt do well in my trials.. to be specific.. history.. da only subject.. i've been working hard but im not sure if da hardwork is effective.. to be frank.. i dont think it effective.. all i did was jus read read read.. can i really rmb da facts i dont know... wad i shud do was to copy out da notes.. short ones.. i tried.. but i was too lazy.. too tired of it.. time is getting short.. haiz..
jus whining about myself.. i jus hope i do well... da science subjects.. i have yet to touch them.. da intervals.. are they enuf for me to go thru them.. argghh.. i dont know.. everytime i look at my timetable.. i feel like.. relaxed.. still got time.. still got time.. got time to study.. dont worry.. but is it really wad my mind thinks? i dont know ler... im abit afraid.. n i dont know y.. mixed up.. hell it aint good.. i cant focus at all...

currently.. 5.05pm.. i studied in da morning.. but i cant focus rite now... wad shud i do... jus felt like expressing myself.. ahh GOD... help tis poor kid... hes lost.. lost... lost... wad shud he do.. how to clear his mind.. give him an empty.. no mind.. no thinking.. no problems.. jus let him study.. tats all he wants.. focus.. concentration.. peace for him.. serenity in him..

frustration...

frustration is bugging me rite now.. i dont know wads da frust.. but its jus pulling my mood down... i need somebody to raise me up from tis.. haiz..

frustration.. sadness... moody..