schooling again... n probs again..

haiz.. holidays end.. school begins.. my body is getting more n more lazy.. ive been sleeping more often in school after tis holiday.. maybe my body still havent get used to school hours..

trial is jus a weeks time.. n i havent finish any particular subject... but im still proud of myself being able to revise 1 month before da exam.. n finish up my form 4 history revision.. only histroy i revised.. but theres still 10 other sbuject.. which doesnt include my form 5 history.. damn.. i really wasted alot of time... its true tat one who really wanna study shudnt touch tv.. or computer.. or anything... jus have to focus.. but i cant do it.. wonder if im gonna do badly in Trial or SPM... i really hope i wont.. i really wanna do well but im not putting effort in it... slowly i am.. but its too slow..

ah well.. i skipped school today... thurs is da most boring day.. i bet many ppl din go to school as well... i kinda regretted i din go for school cos i din much study at home too.. i slept till 11am.. n now my parents went to kl to get my bro bak... n i guess tonight i will have to face da music played by my bro.. i think i messed up da comp... viruses.. streamyx.. all problems arised when im incharge of da comp... i seriously dont know if i have did anything wrong but i always take care of da comp... i try to solve everything damn problem.. but last night i found out tat our streamyx acc have been used by some other ppl which caused da bill over RM200... im gonna be dead meat.. im definitely sure... i really hope i could find da culprit... but its almost impossible...

i spent my whole night yesterday till 1 am trying to clear out all da viruses.. but im still sure there are still some left... all tis thing is gonna affect my concentration on studies.. i spent my whole night last night not even touching my book.. i get reprimaded by my parents.. last night my parents were chatting with my bro thru da webcam.. n my mum keep sounding out da streamyx problem.. n my dad accuses me of always keeping da comp on until da morning.. which caused da virus to enter da comp... but da fact is i havent been able to touch da comp these few days.. weeks.. even months.. i havent been using much of da comp tis year.. n i nvr ever left da comp on till morning.. i was really pissed of when my dad accussed me.. y cant dey say its my 2nd bro.. hes da one who uses da comp n doesnt take care of them. i always have to get rid of da problems he caused.. y am i like a guy who helps n gets accussed at the end when something wrong is happening.. n i don get any praises for solving prob.. only problems for myself.. to think of ways to solve.. wasting my time.. jus to help them...

im da worse son in da family.. da laziest.. everything bad is on me.. all i done nvr satisfy them.. i get all da scoldings... all da stress is on me.. im da only left still schooling in secondary.. my bros are all in uni n their cared so much.. n im left out in da house.. am i really hopeless to tis family.. really a parasite to them... i dont know... but i wanna prove tat im not.. but im not capable.. i cant get thru myself.. im so useless..